I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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