I want to have your abortion
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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