bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
