DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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