Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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