I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
