im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
