next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize