if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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