My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
