Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
