chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
