everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
