also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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