I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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