I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
