A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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