I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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