we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
