I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's the barista slut.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
