Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
