well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
