Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
