"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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