I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
