you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Farmville is her only friend.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
