I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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