I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
