Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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