ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
