I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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