I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
