I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
