some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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