i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all