Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.