I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.