it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
