Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.