Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.