There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad