Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
