youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
