His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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