Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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