I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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