Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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