people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
