Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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