That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
