I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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