im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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