i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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