I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
