I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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