My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
