i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
