Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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