Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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