So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
