Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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