hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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