and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
