Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
