Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
