A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize