Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
