The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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