John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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