I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
