I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
