I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
