Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
