Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
