So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
