but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
