I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
