omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
