When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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