If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
