i permit you to call me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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