hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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